Seven years ago on this day God charged me with the care of a tiny person. I had been carrying this person around in my womb and my heart for 40 weeks already, but on that day she was pulled out of my belly (by emergency c-section) and from that moment I was responsible for her well-being on this earth. At the time, the magnitude of this task hit me with full force. But the joy and love and gratitude to my Lord and Savior for giving me such a precious gift I cannot ever explain.
I’ll give you a little bit of background of this motherhood journey that I am currently embarked upon. When Stan and I were married back in 1998, I went into it with the knowledge that I didn’t want kids. Don’t get me wrong, I loved kids…I loved my siblings kids and my friends kids; I just felt that I liked the way I looked and I liked the lifestyle that Stan and I currently had and having children just might mess that up…ssssoooo I was thinking NO KIDS FOR ME THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I knew it was selfish, but I had the right to be selfish…it was my life. People would ask us when are you guys going to have children and my husband would always say, “maybe someday soon.”; and I was shaking my head ‘nope’. Fast forward five years later. I began to think maybe it was unfair to continue saying ‘babies, no thank you’ when my husband who was terrific with kids seemed to want them. I knew that it would take a change of heart that only God could give me so I began to pray. My pray was simple, “Lord if it is your will for me to be a mother, please change my heart.” It took close to a year for my heart to change, but when it did, boy did it ever. Of course by the time my heart had changed, my husband had become afraid of taking on the responsibility of offspring; so he needed to be convinced.
May of 2003 I found out I was pregnant. WhoHoo! I was so excited, I told everyone that I could. My first bout of morning sickness kicked in and I felt that I had made it. Two weeks later I’m at work and I start having terrible backpains. I leave work, get home and I’m spotting. We rush to the ER and they tell me that there’s still a baby there, BUT I’ll need to check with my OB the next day so that they can run some test. Folks I hadn’t had my first official OB appointment yet! You know how they make you wait until your close to 10 weeks to come in…well I was at week 9. I went in for blood work the next day and the day after that I was told that I would miscarry by the weekend. I miscarried over the weekend, the beginning of my week 10. 😦 What followed was two weeks of blood test to ensure that all my hormones bottomed out, an event that was truly traumatic only because I had to go in twice a week for blood work and I was around a lot of pregnant women.
Fast-forward two months to August when my OB give me the okay to start trying again. If you’ve ever had a miscarriage (an unwanted one) the prospect of trying it again is downright scary. So one morning while I was walking my dog, I had a talk with the Lord. Our pastor had just spoke about “right now blessing”. These are blessing that are manifested right away. You ask God for something and it seems as if immediately your request is answered. On this day I told the Lord that I needed a ‘right-now blessing’ and I said I wasn’t picky but he could choose from one of three options; a successful pregnancy was one of them. The beginning of September, I found out I was pregnant again. This time I told my mother and my husband and that was all. By week 10 of this pregnancy, morning sickness had hit me ALL DAY LONG and I had a small baby bump (I don’t know how people can hold out for 6 months and no one knows). This pregnancy was sticking and I was elated and nauseous.
Fast-forward to d-day (delivery day) I had set on the porch that Monday morning and cried because I was HUGE and I couldn’t possibly get any larger and the doctors and nurses were saying that my baby hadn’t dropped enough for me to deliver anytime soon. I had been released from work because I was retaining so much water that my doctor just wasn’t feeling comfortable about my health, so I was thinking ‘What’s up with this kid?’. That night the backpains (labor) kicked in and right at the time I rolled over to tell Stan I’m in labor my water broke. WHILE WE WERE LYING IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP! And I hadn’t lined the bed with plastic so our feather mattress pad was ruined. Close to 12 hours later, Kristian Janae Cork was delivered by emergency c-section at a whooping 6 lbs 4 oz. The doctor and myself could not believe the size considering she had always measured too big during the pregnancy and they had put me on a diet. It turned out my babydoll was cutting off her food supply and she didn’t get to pack on those last ounces during the last weeks of pregnancy; which was also the reason why we had to do an emergency c-section.
Her name is Kristian Janae Cork – we chose the name Kristian to be this whether it was a boy or girl (Ch – for boy and K – for girl) and Janae means answer from God – because she was my “right now” answer from God. Kristian came into this world ready to tackle any obstacles that come her way. Her depth of intuition and understanding amazes me daily. The things that she says to us are a source of laughter and contemplation. She is a very girly girl, constantly trying to persuade me to allow her to wear some of my makeup or at least purchase her own. She has her own opinion and is not afraid to tell you what it is. I can talk to her the same way that I talk to any adult and she understand me and if she does not she will ask me to explain. In other words….she’s perfect. I don’t think there could ever be a better job for me than to be her mom. I have so much love for her my heart is always filled (even when I threaten to punch her lights out. :)) I have had to “spank” her twice in her seven years – usually firm conversation is enough.
Today she turned seven – I can’t believe how time flys. This little diva has made me something that I didn’t know I wanted to be, but can’t imagine being anything else. She made me a mom.